Reese's Story - part 1

Reese's story began the first week of March in 2008. That was when we submitted our initial paperwork with LDS Family Services. Emma was 10 months old. We couldn't officially be available for adoption until Emma was a year old but Jeremy and I were anxious to get started.

I remember shortly after submitting our paperwork getting a distinct impression that this next adoption would take a long time. I remember feeling sick to my stomach and trying to convince myself that it was just me being pessimistic or trying to be realistic. I also remember knowing that in order for this adoption to happen, that Jeremy and I would have to do everything we could think of to make it happen. That part I was fine with because I like to be proactive. I'm not the type to just sit around and wait for a birth mom to find us.

Jeremy and I did it all - pass a long cards, fasting, prayer, temple attendance, adoption blogs, adoption buttons, giveaways to attract attention to our blog, being spotlighted on other's blogs, participating in endless adoption events, volunteer work, wearing adoption t-shirts, speaking in church and bearing testimony of adoption, etc. There was so much more but that's an entirely different post for another time.

During all of this, our focus was on our beautiful daughter that we had already been blessed with. She was our world and taught me everything worth knowing.

When Emma was about one and already speaking in paragraphs (not saying this to brag - but if you know her, it wouldn't surprise you...she hasn't quit talking yet!) she began asking for a sister. I remember being caught off guard because what one year old cares about having a sister? Aren't they supposed to care more about toys, walking, playing, friends, and food? Not Emma. She wanted a sister. As she got to age 2 she began noticing that many of her friends were getting new baby brothers or sisters but she wasn't. It was at this age where she learned to pray. Without fail, she asked Heavenly Father every night to please bring her a sister. When she was 2 1/2 she told Santa at the mall she wanted a baby sister for Christmas. Santa was a little shocked. Needless to say, there was no baby sister under the Christmas tree that morning and Emma was devastated. On Christmas night she asked why Santa didn't remember. She then told me "thank you for my toys. I loved them. I just wanted a sister though." I'm pretty sure I cried myself to sleep that night.

Emma's prayers continued faithfully. She asked almost daily why she couldn't have a sister. I didn't have much of an answer for her. It was at this point that we received a contact from a birth mom through LDS Family Services. We were thrilled. We had been waiting almost 2 years with no contacts or possiblities. We thought for sure this was it. As we wrote back and forth with this possible birth mom for 2 months, we fell deeply in love with her. She was amazing, her family was amazing and we simply adored her. Everything seemed perfect...except I knew deep down that something was wrong. We met her and her family and loved her even more. The sick feeling in my stomach grew. Emma caught on a little bit what was happening. As much as we try to hide things from her, she can hear everything and figures it out. She asked one day if "J" was our birth mom. I told her I didn't know. Without skipping a beat, Emma said a prayer for her and then prayed that she could have a sister. As it turned out, "J" was not our birth mom but instead someone else's. It broke our hearts. It didn't make sense but I knew without a doubt it was right. Once I was willing to listen to what Heavenly Father wanted me to know, I felt peace for the first time in months. This was not our baby and "J" was meant for someone else's family. We still keep in touch with her today and her family as well and still love her just as much!

It took about 6 months for Jeremy and I to heal from this process. During all of that we had also decided to join Parent Profiles. PP is a service where you pay a nice chunk of money to have your profile listed on their website. They have dozens of possible birth moms look at their site and we had several friends who had success using this site. At this point, we tried and did all we could!

Parent Profiles ended up being very stressful for us. We received numerous scams, emails that showed a lot of potential and then hearing nothing after making contact, etc. There came a point where it was just too much emotionally and we decided our money was best sitting in an adoption savings account. Looking back, I am grateful for all those emails and constant correspondance. It toughened me up and also gave me great practice in dealing with some needy people! At the time though, it just hurt.

Around September of 2010, Emma told me she was tired of waiting for her sister. She said her sister was in heaven and she wanted her to get here. She began asking even more questions about adoption and why I wouldn't give her a sister. Emma started getting really mad about it and telling me she was angry with me because I wouldn't give her a sister. She cried a lot more and it became very miserable. My heart broke for her. I knew what she was feeling. I was an only child growing up, I remember praying and asking for the same thing and not getting it.

I won't lie - at this time I started getting pretty angry and my prayers often just said "why?" It was confusing to me that Heavenly Father was giving such a hard trial to a little girl. I felt that infertility should be my struggle, not hers. I shouldn't have been angry or hurt but being the imperfect person I am, I was. But Emma continued to teach me - even though she was hurt and angry with me, she continued to pray. She had constant faith. She talked about going to the temple with her sister one day. She never doubted.

At the beginning of October, I talked to a friend of mine about adoption. She too had been waiting a long time with LDSFS and was anxious to have another baby join their family. They had decided to go to another agency. It was something Jeremy and I talked about often. But OUR plan was to adopt 2 through LDSFS and then go to another agency for our 3rd. It made perfect sense to us! Any agency besides LDSFS is outrageously expensive. We knew that we could only afford one adoption outside of LDSFS. I knew in my heart it was time to leave LDSFS but I didn't want to admit defeat to my plan. And the thought of spending that much on an adoption made me feel ill. One part of my heart knew it would all work out, the other part of my heart started freaking out at the logistics of it all and how much money that really was.

We prayed and prayed and neither of us felt this overwhelming feeling to choose this agency. But we knew it was a good agency and we didn't receive an overwhelming no either. I started the paperwork. It was a pain. Once we got it done and submitted by the middle of november, we learned that a majority of it was lost in the mail. We'd have to start over. At this point, I thought for sure it was a sign from Heavenly Father that we were making a bad choice. We finished the paperwork half-heartedly and not without a lot of complaining and grumpiness. I decided to look at other agencies. I found 10 agencies that listed possible situations online and you could call and inquire about them. I checked regularly. We were presented to several birth mom's for the next two months but none worked out. It was the end of January by this point and I began thinking that it was time to learn to be ok with Emma being an only child.

I asked Emma if she'd be ok if she never had a brother or a sister. She replied that her sister was coming. But sometimes it was hard to see her comments as anything because then she'd follow it up by saying that she had 4 brothers, 6 sisters and a dog in heaven waiting for her. Or sometimes it was 2 brothers and 3 sisters and no dog.

At the end of February, we received a phone call from Heart and Soul. It was the adoption agency we had joined back in October that I had pretty much given up hope on. There was a birth mom in Texas. Would we be interested in hearing about her? I listened to details but didn't really pay attention much. I figured it was just like all the other times where we would be presented, narrowed down to the final 2 and not chosen. My heart couldn't take it anymore. I asked if I could write the birth mom a letter to go with our profile. As I wrote it, I felt something I hadn't felt in awhile. I can't really explain it - maybe it was hope. The letter and our profile was sent to Texas and we waited. After a day or so, I knew we would be one of the final 2. So much so that I wanted to get fabric to my mom in Russia so she could make a baby quilt. In order for her to get the fabric, someone from there had to be here in the USA and be able to receive my package and take it in their luggage. It turned out that one of their friend's was coming over on business in a few days. I bought fabric for a baby girl and mailed it. I kept telling myself that most likely I just mailed my mom some really cute fabric for someone else's baby.

A few days later we heard from our caseworker. We had been narrowed down to the final 2 but our birth mom had some questions for us. I answered them via our caseworker. As I spoke to her and tried to relay my answers, my thoughts were jumbled and nothing made sense. But as the words came out, I knew this was our baby. I had an overwhelming feeling come over me that our time had come and we would know in a couple of days that a little one would be joining our family very soon.

During this time, we didn't say anything to Emma. She knew we were praying for someone named "A" but didn't know who that was. By this time she was used to us praying for birth mom's by name and she didn't ask many questions. On February 26th while out and about we had a very sweet experience with her. I wrote this on facebook that day:

While in the car today on the way to the movies, Emmy told me when we got home she needed to go upstairs, kneel by her bed, and pray really hard for a baby to come to our family. I thought for sure she'd forget but when we got home she went right upstairs and prayed. I love this girl and her faith!

On March 1st at 4:45 pm, I received a phone call from our caseworker saying that "A" had chosen our family. A little girl would be coming to our family in April. I think I was pretty mellow and speechless on the phone. Even though I felt it coming, I was in shock. It was so fun to tell Jeremy and Emma. If you haven't seen the video of Emma finding out the exciting news, I suggest you scroll down until you see it. It's classic! Emmy was going to be a big sister!

Part 2 coming soon.....