As soon as we found Reese was coming to our family, Emma asked "when do we get to paint?" She was ready to get the nursery done!
When we painted Emma's nursery, Jeremy and I had written her name out on the wall with the paint and she has seen the photos many times. She knew immediately that she wanted to do the same thing for Reese.
When we painted Emma's nursery, Jeremy and I had written her name out on the wall with the paint and she has seen the photos many times. She knew immediately that she wanted to do the same thing for Reese.
We spent the next 4 weeks painting and decorating the nursery, washing clothes, putting together the crib, ordering missing crib parts after they got lost in our move, and most of all - getting to know our new birth mom. I spoke with Reese's birth mom almost daily. It was very important to her that we build a very good relationship before Reese was born. This was a very different experience for us than with Emma's birth mom. This time we weren't going to meet "A" until the day before Reese was to be born. With Emma we were able to meet "R" a month in advance, be there for ultrasound visits, and we had also emailed for an entire month before "R" had ever chosen us. With Reese's adoption, "A" had never spoken to us or had any contact with us before choosing us.
I won't lie - it made for a hard dynamic. While I talked almost daily to "A" I didn't feel as bonded to her by the time we were supposed to leave for Texas. I don't love talking on the phone with people I barely know and so it took all I had that month to work on our relationship and try to get to know someone with just phone calls.
Another hard part of this adoption was that our caseworkers were based in Utah and our birth mom was giving birth in Texas. We would need to fly down there but we wouldn't have our caseworkers with us to walk us through everything. Again, a totally different dynamic than with Emma's adoption. Looking back though I can definitely see pros and cons to both situations. And luckily, our caseworkers were just a phone call away! We used them a lot while we were down there and they were amazing!
Fast forward our story to friday, April 1st. The plan was for us to fly to Texas the next day at 7:40 am. We would arrive in Texas around 3pm, go to our hotel and then meet our birth mom and her family at a nearby restaurant. She wanted to hang out over the weekend as much as possible before she was to be induced on Monday morning.
When I spoke with "A" on the phone friday afternoon, the baby was still very high. We were a little bit worried that the dr. wouldn't even induce on Monday if she was still so high. She wasn't dilated or showing any signs of labor. We just kept praying that the induction would go ahead as planned.
Saturday morning at 3am, just 1 hour before our alarms were supposed to go off, we received a text from "A"'s mom saying that "A" was in labor. Reese was going to be born today for sure! We were in shock but so excited! Unfortunately though we assumed we would miss the entire delivery and not get to be there when she was born. We got to the airport early and hoped we could catch an earlier flight to Texas that would have gotten us there in time. They wouldn't let us board though and we had to stay with our original tickets. We knew there was no way we'd get there in time. While we were on our layover in Phoenix, Reese was born. "A's" mom and sister were great and sent us regular texts and updates all through the delivery process. Right as we were boarding and they were closing the plane doors on our flight to Texas, we received our first photo of our daughter. She was absolutely perfect. I cried a majority of the flight to Texas. It was very hard to know that I was her mother yet I had missed the first few minutes of her life. It seemed so wrong to me that her mother wasn't there when she was born - the mom is always there at delivery. But in adoption, the "mom" doesn't always get that opportunity. While it was incredibly hard to not be there, it ended up being a very good thing that her birth mom had that chance to be with her and have that special time with her.
When we arrived in Texas, it was total chaos. All we wanted to do was go see our baby girl and also meet her birth mom. The airlines lost our carseats, the rental car took forever to process, we got lost, etc. Our birth mom called and said that she didn't want to see us that night after all. Emma and I cried. It was all we had looked forward to all day and now we weren't allowed to see Reese.
An hour later, our caseworker called and said that "A" reconsidered and that I would be allowed to go see Reese but not Jeremy or Emma. Emma sobbed. It was absolutely heartbreaking to watch. Emma just carried around the text picture we had of Reese and kept asking why she wasn't allowed to see her sister. I really struggled with going into the room without the rest of my family. But I knew I needed to go in there and meet "A" or there was a chance all of this would fall apart.
The next morning our whole family was allowed to go see Reese and "A". It was wonderful. Emma held her sister for the first time and it was exactly like I had pictured it. Pure love.
"A" decided she was ready to be released from the hospital and asked if I would come back to get Reese in a few hours. She wanted Jeremy and Emma to not be there and just wanted some peaceful alone time with both Reese and I. It ended up being an adventure. Because Reese was being released early, the hospital insisted that Reese be put in the same car as "A." I had to leave Jeremy and Emma at the hospital waiting room, put Reese in our rental car along with "A" and drive to a gas station where "A's" mom was waiting for her. I hated every bit of that goodbye but it was what "A" wanted to do. Funny though because Emma's birth mom also said goodbye to her in a parking lot. Someday I hope to have placement in an actual room!
After we said goodbye to "A" I went back to the hospital to pick up Emma and Jeremy and to tell them that Reese was unofficially ours ("A" wouldn't sign papers until the next day). Then we went to the airport to pick up my mom who was flying in to keep us company while we were in Texas for the next two weeks waiting for ICPC to clear.
The next day we were told that "A" wanted us to come over with just Reese and that she wanted us to hang out all day and then she'd sign papers. I didn't have a good feeling about it -"A's" husband who was not the birth father would be there and we got some scary vibes from him at the hospital. I also knew that "A" hadn't signed papers yet so anything was still possible. We told her we'd do what we needed to but our caseworker talked to "A" and explained that doing so wasn't going to make the hurt go away and only make it harder for everyone. "A" thought through it and decided she was right and that hanging out all day was too much. "A" would sign the papers that night at 7pm.
7pm came and went. "A's" mom called and told us she wouldn't sign. I freaked out. I was sobbing all through dinner and a nervous wreck. Finally 3 hours later, we got the call we hoped for - "A" signed. She knew all along she would but she needed to talk to someone and work a few things out before she could do it. We were so grateful she did and it was so hard for us knowing how much she struggled to sign the papers. At exactly 10pm Reese became ours! We celebrated by eating chips and salsa in our hotel room because that's what you do in Texas!
2 weeks later Emma, Reese and I flew home (Jeremy left after one week) where Jeremy greeted us at the airport. We were so glad to see him and so excited to be home with our new baby girl!
I won't lie - it made for a hard dynamic. While I talked almost daily to "A" I didn't feel as bonded to her by the time we were supposed to leave for Texas. I don't love talking on the phone with people I barely know and so it took all I had that month to work on our relationship and try to get to know someone with just phone calls.
Another hard part of this adoption was that our caseworkers were based in Utah and our birth mom was giving birth in Texas. We would need to fly down there but we wouldn't have our caseworkers with us to walk us through everything. Again, a totally different dynamic than with Emma's adoption. Looking back though I can definitely see pros and cons to both situations. And luckily, our caseworkers were just a phone call away! We used them a lot while we were down there and they were amazing!
Fast forward our story to friday, April 1st. The plan was for us to fly to Texas the next day at 7:40 am. We would arrive in Texas around 3pm, go to our hotel and then meet our birth mom and her family at a nearby restaurant. She wanted to hang out over the weekend as much as possible before she was to be induced on Monday morning.
When I spoke with "A" on the phone friday afternoon, the baby was still very high. We were a little bit worried that the dr. wouldn't even induce on Monday if she was still so high. She wasn't dilated or showing any signs of labor. We just kept praying that the induction would go ahead as planned.
Saturday morning at 3am, just 1 hour before our alarms were supposed to go off, we received a text from "A"'s mom saying that "A" was in labor. Reese was going to be born today for sure! We were in shock but so excited! Unfortunately though we assumed we would miss the entire delivery and not get to be there when she was born. We got to the airport early and hoped we could catch an earlier flight to Texas that would have gotten us there in time. They wouldn't let us board though and we had to stay with our original tickets. We knew there was no way we'd get there in time. While we were on our layover in Phoenix, Reese was born. "A's" mom and sister were great and sent us regular texts and updates all through the delivery process. Right as we were boarding and they were closing the plane doors on our flight to Texas, we received our first photo of our daughter. She was absolutely perfect. I cried a majority of the flight to Texas. It was very hard to know that I was her mother yet I had missed the first few minutes of her life. It seemed so wrong to me that her mother wasn't there when she was born - the mom is always there at delivery. But in adoption, the "mom" doesn't always get that opportunity. While it was incredibly hard to not be there, it ended up being a very good thing that her birth mom had that chance to be with her and have that special time with her.
When we arrived in Texas, it was total chaos. All we wanted to do was go see our baby girl and also meet her birth mom. The airlines lost our carseats, the rental car took forever to process, we got lost, etc. Our birth mom called and said that she didn't want to see us that night after all. Emma and I cried. It was all we had looked forward to all day and now we weren't allowed to see Reese.
An hour later, our caseworker called and said that "A" reconsidered and that I would be allowed to go see Reese but not Jeremy or Emma. Emma sobbed. It was absolutely heartbreaking to watch. Emma just carried around the text picture we had of Reese and kept asking why she wasn't allowed to see her sister. I really struggled with going into the room without the rest of my family. But I knew I needed to go in there and meet "A" or there was a chance all of this would fall apart.
The next morning our whole family was allowed to go see Reese and "A". It was wonderful. Emma held her sister for the first time and it was exactly like I had pictured it. Pure love.
"A" decided she was ready to be released from the hospital and asked if I would come back to get Reese in a few hours. She wanted Jeremy and Emma to not be there and just wanted some peaceful alone time with both Reese and I. It ended up being an adventure. Because Reese was being released early, the hospital insisted that Reese be put in the same car as "A." I had to leave Jeremy and Emma at the hospital waiting room, put Reese in our rental car along with "A" and drive to a gas station where "A's" mom was waiting for her. I hated every bit of that goodbye but it was what "A" wanted to do. Funny though because Emma's birth mom also said goodbye to her in a parking lot. Someday I hope to have placement in an actual room!
After we said goodbye to "A" I went back to the hospital to pick up Emma and Jeremy and to tell them that Reese was unofficially ours ("A" wouldn't sign papers until the next day). Then we went to the airport to pick up my mom who was flying in to keep us company while we were in Texas for the next two weeks waiting for ICPC to clear.
The next day we were told that "A" wanted us to come over with just Reese and that she wanted us to hang out all day and then she'd sign papers. I didn't have a good feeling about it -"A's" husband who was not the birth father would be there and we got some scary vibes from him at the hospital. I also knew that "A" hadn't signed papers yet so anything was still possible. We told her we'd do what we needed to but our caseworker talked to "A" and explained that doing so wasn't going to make the hurt go away and only make it harder for everyone. "A" thought through it and decided she was right and that hanging out all day was too much. "A" would sign the papers that night at 7pm.
7pm came and went. "A's" mom called and told us she wouldn't sign. I freaked out. I was sobbing all through dinner and a nervous wreck. Finally 3 hours later, we got the call we hoped for - "A" signed. She knew all along she would but she needed to talk to someone and work a few things out before she could do it. We were so grateful she did and it was so hard for us knowing how much she struggled to sign the papers. At exactly 10pm Reese became ours! We celebrated by eating chips and salsa in our hotel room because that's what you do in Texas!
2 weeks later Emma, Reese and I flew home (Jeremy left after one week) where Jeremy greeted us at the airport. We were so glad to see him and so excited to be home with our new baby girl!
